I am going through some big life events right now. I have a new job. I am moving out of my parent's home. I am finding myself faced with more and more decisions that have no right or wrong answer, but do require all the knowledge and judgement I have. It is an exciting and exhausting time.
Tonight, in the middle of worrying and planning, I was scrolling through my news feed and I saw a picture. It was the kind of picture you see of friends having fun every day. I don't know why, but I suddenly stopped and really examined the picture. I thought "how did I come to know these people? What decisions have I made in my life that resulting in me befriending these people?" It wasn't because I didn't like them. It is more of a cosmic question, I think.
I thought back to my high school graduation. I had a lot of plans then. I think I have finished only one of them. What if I had walked away from nursing school? What if I had turned my back on it and had walked straight into Bible school? Would I be living in a foreign country right now? Would I be friends with an entirely different set of people? Would I be happier or more fulfilled with my life?
I had friends who were on the same path as me. They did all these things. Bible school, missionary work, great happiness: where did my path diverge from theirs? Why was mine different? When others have found it so easy to leave and follow to the ends of the earth, why does God hold me back from even leaving town? If I was not so sure that it was absolutely in God's plan, I would go stark raving mad.
Wasn't there a quote by Aslan? We cannot know what would have been, we only know what story is set before us? There could have been many things that were different: but they aren't. This is the life I have been given.
Despite the self-centered introspection, I do mean to be encouraging. It is easy to look at whole lives given over to God and wish that your life mirror that. But a small, quiet life can be just as wholly devoted to Him.
When I was teaching in children's ministry I remember we would have the most amazing missionary stories. It was always exciting to tell about tiger fights, hiding from murderous natives, or facing up against witch doctors. But in every single story there would always be a time when the missionary had nothing left. There was sickness, disease, hunger, danger, and they were left with no help except for prayer. What would happen then?
That is when God would bring the small lives out of the woodwork.
"I felt God leading me to give this money to you."
"I'm sorry there was a delay. I went the extra mile to deliver this package to you when I could have forgotten about it."
"I don't know what an old lady like me can do against this gang of men, but I will protect you."
"If I ignore this I could live a comfortable, peaceful life. But I cannot allow you to disrespect my Savior in that way."
"I can hide you."
"A woman and her children are poor and unfed. We must help them."
"Do you need help?"
Sometimes we aren't meant to live great lives. Sometimes we are meant to live small lives. Each life will always be useful though. And if you can be useful, if at the end of it all, small or great, you still hear "Well done good and faithful servant!".......
What more can you ask for?
